Learning to be confident in yourself is a journey for all of us. Here are three ways to gain self confidence, inspired by Tony Robbins’ agents of change “triad” –

1. Change your BODY

2. Change your FOCUS

3. Change your SELF TALK

Nobody can hurt you without your consent. There are many instances in life where your confidence is hit hard. Sometimes you overcome life’s hardness, sometimes you get overwhelmed. Sometimes your courage and confidence sees you through, but sometimes your self-confidence gets a beating. However, the point here to remember is that “nobody can hurt you without your consent.”

The problem is not as important as the impact it had on you, rather the impact that you let the problem create on you. In life pain is inevitable but suffering is optional, as the saying goes. It’s purely your choice, and whether you choose to bounce back or suffer is entirely your prerogative.

There can be many reasons that your self-confidence is hurt. You may have had a bad marriage and now are heading for a divorce.

You were not chosen for your college’s football team; you may have been laid off. There’s definitely a lot of pain involved in any of the situations. But you don’t necessarily have to suffer. You must arise and resolve to get back your confidence.

The following five ways would help you do just that.

1. Look at the brighter side. If you have been laid off, it would be okay to feel bad about it for a day or two but not more than that. Losing a job is a terrible thing, but it does not mean the end of the world.

Who knows it might be a blessing in disguise. Maybe you have got some time to review your life, get aware of where you are going, have a look at your likes and hobbies which you could not develop because of pressures of your job. Maybe this is an opportunity to start afresh and live your life a new way which is more in sync with your abilities and aptitude.

Similarly, a divorce may cause great pain but then you weren’t too happy in your marriage either. It probably was just not meant to be. Now you have a chance to rebuild your life the way you want it to be.

2. Stop comparing yourself with other people. When we have a problem we always question god – “oh, god, why me?” Certainly god gave you a lot of rewards as well.

Did you then get up and ask god -“oh god, why me?” That’s what human nature is all about. We complain and remember god when we are in trouble or else we are too busy with ourselves.

Stop looking at other people who seem too happy and comfortable to you from a distance. Stop comparing their comfort with your suffering.

This will only frustrate you further. Focus on yourself and make every effort you can make to go out whenever you are feeling down.

3. Self-pity is very addictive and capable of destroying lives. Instead of indulging in self-pity (though we all do from time to time), take control of your life and take responsibility for your actions, learn from your mistakes and make a fresh start.

4. And yeah…don’t be bogged down when you hear a “no”. A “no” is something which even greats like Edison and Ford, too, had to face. If you look at them positively, you will find that each “no” actually takes you closer to a “yes.” It’s been reported time and time again that Edison conducted more than a thousand failed experiments before he actually made an electric bulb! So get going and take an occasional no in stride.

5. Are you standing in your own way? You will notice that shadows are caused when we stand in the path of sunshine. In our lives, too, we cause a lot of shadows by standing in the way of our own happiness. In today’s world, it is important to be flexible. A lot of people will look for a job for months, yet still reject work coming their way because they are not willing to adapt to some new job requirements.

Jane, a schoolteacher, was laid off from her job. She kept trying for months to get a job as a teacher while rejecting opportunities such as taking private tuitions, being a nanny, doing copy- editing work as a freelancer. The long wait hurt her self-confidence even more. Sometimes it is wise to be a little flexible and adapt ourselves to new job demands rather than to look exactly for what we lost. It helps regain confidence quickly which brings along enough energy to get an even better job in the field of your choice!

Don’t forget, there is always a way to regain your lost self-confidence. You just have to look for it. Because finding is reserved for those who search. Are you searching for an answer?

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