Self-Confidence: How To Stop Worrying About What People Will Think Of You out Dr. Aziz’s new internet radio can also subscribe on Dr. Aziz’s confidence building program scary or uncomfortable would it be to go start a conversation with a stranger?
For most guys, starting conversations with strangers, especially attractive women is pretty anxiety provoking. That’s why so many of them tend to avoid doing it.
What makes starting conversations virtually impossible though is when you are held back by the “bystander effect.”
The Bystander Effect
I am using this term differently from the social psychology use. You can watch the video above to learn about that meaning. It means something totally different when it comes to social confidence:
The “bystander effect” is the fear that when you initiate a conversation with a stranger, if other people can see you or are within earshot, they will observe the interaction and harshly judge you.
If you are in a bookstore or a coffee shop and you want to start a conversation with someone, if anyone else is around, it can make it WAY more difficult.
What if they see me?
What if they hear me and think I sound nervous or awkward?
What if I get rejected, then they will think I’m a pathetic loser.
They will think I’m…
This is the essence of the bystander effect: “They will think I’m…”
Can you see how this might be holding you back?
What if you notice someone who has a similar interest as you and you want to chat with them about it? What if you are looking to make friends and build up your social network? What if you are single and looking to find a fun, sexy, smart girlfriend?
The likelihood that this person will always be alone and that no one will be within earshot is pretty low. So as long as you are HELD BACK by the fear of what “they” might think of you, you will never be able to go after what you truly want.
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